Film Review: ADAM AND EVE VS. THE CANNIBALS (1983)

When I first came across the bizarrely titled ADAM AND EVE VS. THE CANNIBALS (1983) I thought I struck gold, boy was I wrong. This film is a confused cluster that doesn’t do a decent job at being an Italian Jungle Cannibal or religious movie.

If you know the story of Adam and Eve…forget it because this takes some interesting liberties. The story starts off with Adam played by Mark Gregory (The Bronx Warriors) being born in the same way as the Uruk-hai in LOTR and hanging out in the Garden of Eden. Feeling the weight of his loneliness he makes a sand women (Eve) that comes to life after being rained on. Eve gets bored after a day or two and starts eating things recommended by talking snakes. Chaos ensues, they are cast out of the garden and Adam says they must find the sea. On their quest, they encounter different tribes of diverse types that either help teach them about the outside world or one that wants to eat them.

Where do I start with this movie? Adam played by Mark Gregory has the personality of a wet rock and just provides throw away lines to remind you this is a Bible story. He walks around, looks brooding and puts up with Eve. Eve played by Andrea Goldman (in her only film role) is by far one of the most annoying, useless characters to ever grace the screen. She eats the fruit because she wants to know what else is out there and is tired of watching sunsets. The rest of the movie she does nothing but whine, get kidnapped and make you wish the film would end. With these two being our only speaking characters makes for agonizingly long watch.

This is hardly an Italian Jungle Cannibal film and doesn’t meet the formula of the genre. The title seems to be trying to profit off the success of it’s predecessors. Alternate titles being Adam and Eve: The First Love Story, Blue Paradise and so on. Only one group of cannibals makes an appearance and is done away with very easily. The gore and violence is backyard high school film worthy dependent on shaky close ups and cool aid blood. The film locations and cinematography are beautiful, unfortunately little info can be found about the movie and I couldn’t find where this was filmed. The impressive score does keep with the Jungle cannibal genera. The animal violence is a few second clip of big cats eating an antelope from a distance and a fight with a bear costume (I’m not saying this is bad but lets face it, animal violence is a undesirable part of the Italian Jungle Cannibal film formula). We do get a “vicious” fight between Adam and a prehistoric bird that ends with them eating and making clothes out of it’s skin. Yes, there is a dinosaur in this Adam and Eve movie which gets me to the Christian side of this. The religious aspect is barely existent. This film isn’t for or against evolution. The two meet up with a cro-magnon tribe, a “Green Man” tribe that is more evolved and join another tribe in the end. The film makers seem more influenced by The Blue Lagoon than anything else.

In conclusion, this was a mess of a movie that doesn’t succeed of being the types of films it tries to be. It’s 90 minutes of forgettable, annoying characters wandering around gorgeous locations with beautiful music playing. There is a hilarious fight involving the worst bear costume to hit the screen that is worth the watch.

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Author: Madeline Milden

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